Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize