Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
is it fun? or sober?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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