dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
