We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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