I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
