Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
