how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
