Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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