oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize