You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
