Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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