apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
