Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
