I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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