Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize