I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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