she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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