My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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