This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
