i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
