Umm I'm too high to move.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
there is puke in my bra ... again
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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