a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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