Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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