when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize