When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
