I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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