my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
BRING THE BAGELS
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
