I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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