Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
