i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
