Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
