I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
