you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish they made helmets for livers.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i out mim tonsoeep
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