5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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