We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
