This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize