So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
