Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
