they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
