I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
