i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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