Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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