I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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