Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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