come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize