I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
