you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
