Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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