i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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