mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i've created a new STD.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
