are you still at the devil's house?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
