I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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