if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
