I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
