i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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