So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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