is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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