remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
