Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we made out on top of his cat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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