woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize