I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
