So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize